Friendship Dance

So I've been dancing around this topic for a few days now, trying to decide how to write about my experience the other morning when I went to a "friendship dance" at the ESY (Extended School Year) for kids with Autism and Asperger's. What I've been struggling with most while trying to write is how to tell my story without boasting about what I did. So here it goes, I'm finally giving it a shot. I guess we'll just have to see how this turns out.

First, a little background. My mom is a special education teacher at one of the county high schools and every summer since we moved to Chattanooga she had taught at ESY Autism and Asperger's. Each summer they have a "friendship dance" where the kids, who are middle school and high school aged, are encouraged to socialize and interact with new people. And since most of the students are boys, the teachers try to get more girls to come, which is helpful for the students to talk to new people and learn how to deal with new situations. I went a couple years ago, but for some reason this time seemed more rewarding personally and had more of an impact on me.

Now let me also say that I was not looking forward to waking up somewhat early to go dance awkwardly for an hour and a half. But my mom asked me to come and I certainly wasn't going to say no. It wasn't that I didn't want to go, but I just didn't want to wake up early. I'm not a morning person in any way and I loathe waking up before 10:00am. But I made myself get up a little before 8 and get ready to be at the school by 9am. When I arrived my mom came out to meet me in the parking lot and I followed her to her classroom where she introduced me to all the students before I went to the cafeteria and waited on everyone to arrive.

I have to admit Autism is very interesting to me because of how varied the symptoms are. Some of the kids were more talkative, some hardly spoke. Some were excited to dance, while other were nervous or even distraught by the idea. Some danced quite well and knew most of the songs, while others seemed more awkward and less connected to their surroundings. It was interesting to see how everyone was so different. During the first few songs I was "dancing" (and by that I mean kind of swaying back forth) near my mom and she pointed out a boy named Michael to me and asked if I would go ask him to dance. She said he be very polite, but probably say no. She said she wanted me to ask him anyway so he could have some interaction. I guess he was very shy and no one was very confident that he would dance at all. So a few songs later, she motioned towards him with her head and I walked over and asked if he would like to dance. "Um, no thank you, but you can ask me later," was his very polite answer.

Eventually the teachers formed a soul train line and got everyone up to dance. Even Michael went through a couple times. Afterwards he was standing nearby when I was dancing with another student so I told him to join us. He walked over and began dancing with us. I made eye contact with my mom and smiled. A few more songs played and I sat down beside him at a table. Then I said, "Well, you said I could ask you later, and now it's later. Would you like to dance?" Michael Jackson's thriller was playing so we talked a little about the steps to the dance for Thriller and then we got up and joined my mom for the rest of the song. And for the next 3 or 4 songs he stayed and danced with me. He was such a sweet kid, it was joy to talk with him and play air guitar, which was his favorite move. After the dance ended I said my goodbyes and went home. After I got home my mom called me and told me Michael told her he had a really good time. He said to thank me three times because I really boosted his confidence. I was really touched. I was definitely tearing up on my drive home even before I heard this. I was amazed at how wonderfully sweet Michael is and was to me. I always think of these kids as needing special attention and help and how much we can help them, but when I spent time with him, I was taken aback by how much he gave to me in return. He feels like I boosted his confidence, and I feel like he boosted mine. He helped me find that person inside of me that can be good to anyone and everyone, that person who gets lost throughout my daily life that I fill with stressful moments and complaining because someone in the car in front of me isn't going fast enough. It had been awhile since someone really brought that person back to me, and I'm so grateful to Michael for bringing that out of me. Really all the kids reminded me that I need to hold onto to that better person that I know I can be, and that I should remember that more often, and be that person even when I don't want to.

Summer Projects

This summer has brought new challenges for me. With my brother getting married I am out of a roommate (but I'd much rather have a new sister than a roommate), so now I have to go searching for a new roomie and a new apartment. While I'm doing this, I am staying with my parents. It's a tight fit, and all my stuff is in boxes (some in storage too), but at least this gives me a chance to save up money and it gives me some time to redo my furniture. When I moved into my last apartment the walls were stark white and there was no chance of painting them, so I went with blue and cream as my color scheme. I painted my dresser a light turquoise and off-white. It was a very funky look. Also, I painted my formerly wood-stained bed frame off-white. Clearly I did not think my color scheme through very well because the whole time I lived there I was yearning for something red. Yes, red is my favorite color. Now, I don't fully agree with that statement because I really love all the colors. My "color of the moment" as I like to call it, changes frequently, but my constant go-to, must-have color is red. I adore red. Unfortunately there was no red in my room at my apartment. What was I thinking?! I was trying to do something different, but somethings will always stay the same. So with new prospects ahead of me I decided I would take some time to redo my furniture in a scheme that is more suiting to me. Meaning, I'm adding a splash of red.

First is my dresser. I've been thinking of redoing it for a long time and I have finally come up with 3 options.

Option 1: I will paint it white and cover it in old sheet music. This would be the most time- consuming, and was my original idea.

Option 2: Instead of covering the entire dresser in sheet music, I would paint the outside white and cover only the drawer fronts. This would be a less busy design and give more freedom to the other colors I use in my room.

Option 3: A far cry from the above ideas, my third is to paint my dresser white and do a nautical design. (I found these pillows on Etsy, and they are perfect for a nautical theme.)

Maybe I'll paint my new drawer pulls red or blue, or add an anchor print to the drawer fronts. We'll see, this idea is still in the works.

Now for the hardest part, choosing which one to do. I did go to the store today and bought some new brushes, white paint, drop cloth, and...red spray paint! Yes, lots of red spray paint, which will be used for another project in the not-too-distant-future. Stay tuned for updates on my projects for my "new" furniture!

Wedding Day!

As many of you know, yesterday my brother Sam was married to my former roommate Christina. It was an absolutely wonderful day, and I'm so grateful that I was a part of it. I couldn't help but think of how great it is to have someone I can call my sister. I always wanted a sister growing up, and my parents always tried to persuade me otherwise, but I never stopped wanting a sister. It's not that I wanted to give up one of my brothers or even wanted my parents to have another child. Those thoughts never even occurred to me. I just wanted someone to talk to at the end of the day about boys or clothes or girly things. Someone who would go to the mall with just to walk around and look at clothes we couldn't afford. Someone to give fashion advice to and to get fashion advice from. Someone who was there every night when I got home and would share their day with me as I would with them. I thank God that this past year I got my lifelong wish. I know that Christina only officially became my sister (in-law) yesterday, but she has been a part of our family since she and my brothers moved to Chattanooga last summer. She and I roomed together in a tiny, crappy apartment, and she became that "sister" that I had always wanted. She's a wonderful person and has made my brother immensely happy.

Yesterday was such a joy for all of us. Everyone all dressed up and looking beautiful. Everything finally coming together after months of stressful preparation. Christina looked gorgeous in her dress, but I honestly couldn't stop looking at my brother. I've never seen him so happy before. Every time during the service the priest said "married" or "husband" or "wife" he would smile and glance at her. A few times he caught my brother Nathan's eye and just grin at him. It was so wonderful to see him so happy.

I love them both very much and I'm so grateful to have been a part of their wedding. I can't wait to watch them continue building their lives together. May God grant them many years!

A Few of My Favorite Things

So, today was tough. It just wasn't very good. Some things are happening that upset me and I'm just uncertain about a lot of stuff, mostly about what I'll be doing this summer in terms of living arrangements, etc. Got a lot of things on my mind right now, and of course it's finals week. I need to relax, and take a little break from everything tonight. So I'm going to borrow from Julie Andrews. Here's a few of my favorite things.

J'adore J.Crew!

I bought roses just like this for my mom last year. They were absolutely gorgeous and I fell in love with lavender roses!

Red is my favorite color. I absolutely love it. Especially when it comes to flowers. When I see something red, it always makes me feel better.

Breakfast at Tiffany's. What more can I say? It's my go-to feel-good movie. I would say it's my number two favorite movie...

...next to Beauty and the Beast. My all time favorite movie, it brings me joy every time I watch it. Which is quite often. I can actually recite the entire movie while I watch it. And I'm not ashamed. I love it that much.

Finally, I love all things British. From tea to their accents to the Royal Family. Of course, I adore the Royal Family! Especially those adorable princes. And don't they look so cute in their uniforms? (I also like guys in uniform, so that works, too.)

Here they are again at a polo match look very cute in their, ahem, uniforms.

And there we go. I feel better already. I love J.Crew, and flowers, and all things red. I love Breakfast at Tiffany's and Beauty and the Beast, and British princes. I think some English tea and watching Breakfast at Tiffany's are in store for me now.

"When the dog bites, when the bee stings, when I'm feeling sad, I simply remember my favorite things and then I don't feel so bad."

- Sound of Music "My Favorite Things"

Death of an Enemy

I was at Mellow Mushroom tonight with my friend Nancy after work, and I looked up at the TV which said "Osama Bin Laden has been killed" in big bold white letters. The volume was not turned on, so we didn't know how or when, but I went home and saw an email from the Washington Post that said he had been killed in a CIA operation and President Obama would be announcing it tonight from the White House. I wanted to say I was glad, I wanted to feel relief. But that wasn't what I felt at all. I checked on Facebook to see what everyone was saying. There were funny posts, patriotic posts, excited posts. My uncle was the only one I saw with a status reflecting Christian views in that the death of another human being is not a joyful event. I couldn't help but express my feelings that I'm an Orthodox Christian before I'm an American, and I certainly love my country, and understand why we killed him, but I cannot rejoice. That's still one more person who will never again have the opportunity to repent, and that is a terrible thing. I'm not saying it wasn't necessary, I'm sure many innocent lives are spared now, but he's still a person made in the image of God. I've never really thought about that when I looked at him. Honestly, it just came to me now. Osama Bin Laden was made in the image of God. What a powerful realization. Until now, I never realized the true meaning of that statement. I've always thought about that statement in regards to my friends or people in need, but never have I envisioned our enemies. I'm stunned. I feel speechless. I don't know how to describe how mind-boggling that is to me. All I can say is holy crap.

I wanted to write on Facebook "May God have mercy on him." I chickened out. Instead I put "Lord have mercy." I didn't want people to think that I wished Osama wasn't dead. That's certainly not the case. I'm just sad that we live in a world where killing is necessary. Where we have made killing necessary. So I'll say it now. May God have mercy on his soul. Having finally said that, I want to clarify one thing. I don't want God to have mercy on Osama for his own sake. I want God to have mercy on him for my sake. For everyone else's sake. I can only hope that the mercy of God is so great that he could bestow it upon a man like Osama. I don't know if that's possible, only God knows, but that certainly would be spectacular for the rest of us.

I also wanted to be relieved because I wish that Bin Laden's death meant the end of the war. But I know that is not what it means. Yes, it is a victory for the US, but I know that our troops won't be coming back and retaliation will come eventually. Sooner or later there will be more fighting, and more destruction because terror will never end. This "War on Terror" will never end. Until the second coming we will always be fighting against terrorist forces, maybe not in the Middle East, maybe not the terrorist forces we know now, but terror and evil will always rear it's ugly head in our world and it's a never-ending fight.

So with all this running through my head, I really don't have any room to be happy. The taking away of a human life is always disturbing to me, no matter how "necessary" it is. All I can do is pray. Lord Have Mercy.

Lord Have Mercy

Ok, something just occurred to me after I wrote my post about being tested. I didn't recognize it at first, but what timing that I chose to write about that right after the Southeast was hit so hard by tornadoes on Wednesday, which was the worst tornado storms we've had in the US in 40 years. I just wanted to add to my previous thoughts that I think natural disasters are some of the most difficult tests of faith. So many people ask the age old question, why did God let that happen? With so many people's homes and businesses destroyed and friends and family members injured or killed, it's easy to ask why. It's easy to be angry about it and blame God for all the devastation.

Wednesday while I was watching the news after the first "round" of storms hit, one of the news stations was doing a story about a home in Chattanooga that was completely enveloped by a fallen tree. You couldn't even see the house through all the branches that fell around it. They interviewed a woman who lived on one side of the duplex, and she told her story about how she was home with her kids, and just started praying because they were scared. Moments later the tree fell on top of their home, and she grabbed her crying little ones and ran to her neighbors house. While she's telling her story, she stopped and said "God is good! He is so good to me!" She was so thankful that her kids were safe and uninjured, she didn't spend time being angry about her roof collapsing, or the giant tree that covered her home. She was thankful. What an uplifting thing to hear among all the sorrow and devastation. God is good. He certainly doesn't want to see us suffering, and giving thanks for the little things (or not so little things) like your family's safety, or a helping hand, it certainly makes the devastation less daunting. Turn to God in all situations, but especially horrible situations like this, and He will provide.

So to everyone out there who is suffering, my prayers go out to you. I thank God I'm one of the lucky ones with no damage to my house, but I've been keeping up with the news and the damage out there is unimaginable. The death toll is rising, people are without homes. It's an awful sight to behold. All I can say is Lord have mercy.

We are always tested

Christ is Risen!

It's been a month since I last posted on here. I've been staring at the little bookmark I have entitled "my blog" for some time now, wondering what to write. Sometimes I even clicked on it, but never succeeded in writing anything. But last night a dear friend reminded me of something very important and very true. Paraphrased, she said I guess God never stops testing you. So even though it's Bright week, our struggles don't just go away. And although my joy for the resurrection seems infinite right now, I still struggle (and fail) everyday with sin and with being a better Christian.

Now all that is not to say that Bright Week isn't special. It most certainly is, and it's one of my favorite times of the year. There is nothing more beautiful to me than the Paschal Liturgy. I love everything about it, especially singing Christ is Risen as loud as possible, and hearing everyone around me singing as loudly as they can. It makes my heart swell with joy. And for forty days we sing Christ is Risen and celebrate the Resurrection. Forty days! It must be pretty special to warrant 40 days of preparation (Lent) and 40 days of celebration! And it is. It's the most wonderful thing to ever happen. The best day of the year, every year.

Yet, we have to accept it in our hearts and love God for His infinite mercy and love. We have to keep ourselves from slipping away from Him. We desperately need the Resurrection. We cannot survive without it. And while Bright Week is meant to be a time of happiness and celebration (who doesn't love an entire week dedicated to not fasting?!) it is also a reminder that we need God. Our troubles still come back to us, our struggles are still ongoing during this happy time because we are fallen, but they are erased through God's everlasting love.

So, I'm encouraging you to remember that you will always struggle here in this world, but that through the Resurrection of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, we are with Him. We can always be with Him. So celebrate this wonderful news, but don't forget it's not over. We are always tested, each and every day.

God bless,

Bella