Lord Have Mercy

Ok, something just occurred to me after I wrote my post about being tested. I didn't recognize it at first, but what timing that I chose to write about that right after the Southeast was hit so hard by tornadoes on Wednesday, which was the worst tornado storms we've had in the US in 40 years. I just wanted to add to my previous thoughts that I think natural disasters are some of the most difficult tests of faith. So many people ask the age old question, why did God let that happen? With so many people's homes and businesses destroyed and friends and family members injured or killed, it's easy to ask why. It's easy to be angry about it and blame God for all the devastation.

Wednesday while I was watching the news after the first "round" of storms hit, one of the news stations was doing a story about a home in Chattanooga that was completely enveloped by a fallen tree. You couldn't even see the house through all the branches that fell around it. They interviewed a woman who lived on one side of the duplex, and she told her story about how she was home with her kids, and just started praying because they were scared. Moments later the tree fell on top of their home, and she grabbed her crying little ones and ran to her neighbors house. While she's telling her story, she stopped and said "God is good! He is so good to me!" She was so thankful that her kids were safe and uninjured, she didn't spend time being angry about her roof collapsing, or the giant tree that covered her home. She was thankful. What an uplifting thing to hear among all the sorrow and devastation. God is good. He certainly doesn't want to see us suffering, and giving thanks for the little things (or not so little things) like your family's safety, or a helping hand, it certainly makes the devastation less daunting. Turn to God in all situations, but especially horrible situations like this, and He will provide.

So to everyone out there who is suffering, my prayers go out to you. I thank God I'm one of the lucky ones with no damage to my house, but I've been keeping up with the news and the damage out there is unimaginable. The death toll is rising, people are without homes. It's an awful sight to behold. All I can say is Lord have mercy.

We are always tested

Christ is Risen!

It's been a month since I last posted on here. I've been staring at the little bookmark I have entitled "my blog" for some time now, wondering what to write. Sometimes I even clicked on it, but never succeeded in writing anything. But last night a dear friend reminded me of something very important and very true. Paraphrased, she said I guess God never stops testing you. So even though it's Bright week, our struggles don't just go away. And although my joy for the resurrection seems infinite right now, I still struggle (and fail) everyday with sin and with being a better Christian.

Now all that is not to say that Bright Week isn't special. It most certainly is, and it's one of my favorite times of the year. There is nothing more beautiful to me than the Paschal Liturgy. I love everything about it, especially singing Christ is Risen as loud as possible, and hearing everyone around me singing as loudly as they can. It makes my heart swell with joy. And for forty days we sing Christ is Risen and celebrate the Resurrection. Forty days! It must be pretty special to warrant 40 days of preparation (Lent) and 40 days of celebration! And it is. It's the most wonderful thing to ever happen. The best day of the year, every year.

Yet, we have to accept it in our hearts and love God for His infinite mercy and love. We have to keep ourselves from slipping away from Him. We desperately need the Resurrection. We cannot survive without it. And while Bright Week is meant to be a time of happiness and celebration (who doesn't love an entire week dedicated to not fasting?!) it is also a reminder that we need God. Our troubles still come back to us, our struggles are still ongoing during this happy time because we are fallen, but they are erased through God's everlasting love.

So, I'm encouraging you to remember that you will always struggle here in this world, but that through the Resurrection of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, we are with Him. We can always be with Him. So celebrate this wonderful news, but don't forget it's not over. We are always tested, each and every day.

God bless,

Bella

Goodbye, Camp

This summer I will not be returning to summer camp for the first time since I was 11, and specifically to Camp St. Thekla since I was 16. It would have been my fifth year on staff, but I decided it was time to let that go. I knew last summer would be just that, my last summer. I didn't actually confirm it though because I wanted to enjoy the time for what is was and not spend my time being sad about not coming back. And it worked, I guess. I haven't been sad about not going back. The timing is right, I have too many other obligations for this summer, and I feel good about leaving. I wasn't upset about leaving, or not seeing my friends because I have so many ways of keeping in touch with them, and I know I've had many wonderful summers at camp. It's time for me to step aside and let someone else experience that too. I was completely comfortable with my decision to not go back until tonight. I don't want to say that I'm uncomfortable now, but I felt a twinge of sadness that turned into watery-eyed sadness when I thought about all the campers I loved, who loved me back, that I wouldn't see again. Particularly the girls from cabin 1, session 1 last summer. My wonderful girls who loved me so well, and made me smile every day. The girls who cried with me on the last night in our rooms and wrote me notes in my notebook on the last morning telling me they love me and saying goodbye. The girls who made me feel worthwhile. As a counselor I've never actually cried with my campers when they left, but those sweet young girls penetrated my defenses and pierced right through to my heart.

Also, my girls from 2nd session who were a very different group of girls, but still made their way into my heart forever with all of our late night talks and funny stories. Those sweet young girls and so many other campers who have impacted my life forever are what I regret about not going to camp this year. I don't regret my decision. It is necessary and right, but I will miss seeing all those smiling faces. I miss it most profusely.

I must admit I'm surprised at my reaction to all this. I saw some pictures of campers on Facebook and that's when all these sentiments hit me. It's surprising. I always thought it would be the other staff members that I missed most. However, they are not. I certainly do miss my dear friends from staff, and I'm better for knowing them, but not seeing them this summer does not make me sad. I know we're becoming adults (weird, huh) and at some point we have to leave camp for good. For some of us, it's part of growing up. It's the way it has to be, and I'm okay with that. I can still contact them whenever I like through many different means of communication. But the campers have clearly left an impression on me that I did not completely see at first, and now do. I don't completely understand it yet, but I know it will last a very long time. I am eternally grateful and will always miss those beautiful, smiling faces.

The Garden is coming together!

Today is an exciting day. I have officially finished my garden, which lays in my parent's front yard. Yesterday I got down and dirty and finished planting my flowers. I was unable to do it last week because everyday I had time, the weather didn't agree and rained a lot. Finally yesterday, even though it was a little chilly, I finished. Now I'm in the process of finishing some potted plants that will go on my parents' front porch and my back porch. I'm very excited because I have a lot of different, colorful flowers. Soon I'll post a list on here with pictures. So far my garlic has sprouted, which is wonderful because I only planted it about 2 weeks ago. And some of my flowers from last year have sprouted as well. I can't exactly remember which ones, but I'm pretty sure it's the daffodils. This morning I began potting the flowers for my back porch. I have an azalea, poppies, and some basil. Okay, a lot of basil. I also have a pot of basil at my parents house. We love fresh basil!

There's one thing I need to work on now. A name. Yes, I want a name for my garden. Suggestions and ideas are always welcome. :) Now I'm off to class!

God Bless,

Bella

True Forgiveness

Forgiveness Sunday, it's a day when you set aside all of the pettiness and anger against other people. You set it aside, and you don't pick it back up. It's gone forever...or at least it should be.

Every year when I participate in Forgiveness Sunday, I really hope that all the things I've been angry or upset or frustrated about are gone forever. Unfortunately, it's very difficult to succeed at this, at least for me anyway. At some point after I have cast aside my grievances, I begin to find them again. Whether it's the same week or next month, I pick them back up, and sometimes I don't even realize it until it's happened. Simply using past transgressions as ammo for an argument, or talking about them with others to express our anger with something, they come back. We let them come back. I let them come back. I've never really taken the time to sit down and think about this. How difficult it really is to forgive another! When God forgives us, He absolves our sins. They are gone, and we are clean again. It's a beautiful feeling to be forgiven, truly forgiven, but when we refuse to forgive each other we are robbing ourselves of God's grace and forgiveness.

I have to ask myself why I can't forgive as easily as I should. Who am I to hold onto past transgressions? Regardless of whether someone else is sorry or not, I'm no better if I cannot see past my own pride and forgive. Ah, there it is. Pride. We don't forgive because we are prideful. This person hurt me, and I have a right to be angry. They don't deserve my forgiveness. Here's the deal. Forgiveness is not about what you deserve. If that were the case, we'd all be in big trouble. Forgiveness is about love and mercy. God loves us, and chooses to forgive us no matter how many times we sin against Him. That is completely amazing to me! And we should learn to do the same. So as it is Forgiveness Sunday, I must ask. Please, forgive me a sinner.

God bless,

Bella

First Signs of Spring!

Today as I was walking to class (for midterms, yikes!) I took notice of all the little glimpses of spring that are beginning to emerge now that it's March. On my walk back from school after 3 hours of intense midterm-taking, I decided to relax by making my usually brisk walk into a stroll, and to take pictures of the first signs of spring. Here is my adventure.

A Bradford Pear tree blooming on campus. I love these because they bloom so early in the year. Of course, they smell bad, though. But they sure are pretty!

Now for a quick lunch at The Yellow Deli!

They had some beautiful flowers hanging outside.

More lovely flowers lining the entrance of TYD.

I pass this adorable house every time I walk to school, and I just love it.

The colors are very fresh and spring-y, and the garden is wonderful.

This was such a beautiful sight! Bradford Pears all the way down 8th Street.

It made my day!

The front yard of a wonderful little house. This rose bush and tree are brilliant!

Especially with the yellow flowers next to the fence.

A beautifully bright, but gloomy daffodil. It was overcast today.

Must have been missing the sun.

Even the tree in our front yard is budding!

It's going to be bright pink and beautiful!

Spring is truly my favorite time of year! I love that everything is beginning to bloom and produce new life. It makes me very happy.

God bless,

Bella

Put God First in Your Life, Everything Else Will Fall Into Place

AHH!!! Lent officially begins next week, but the fasting began today. No meat until Pascha. I have to admit I'm feeling unprepared. Even though I made sure to eat meat over the weekend to get my meat cravings out of the way, there's always that desire to eat meat because it feels forbidden. Luckily not eating meat is easier for me than cutting out dairy. I've never actually tried to not have dairy. I've had every intention of doing it before, even recently for Advent I was going to do my best to not eat dairy, but I gave up on that pretty quickly. This time I'm going to try again. One thing that might help is getting one new vegetable every time I go to the store. Something new to try so that I'm not bored with pasta and salad or soup all the time.

Something else I'm going to do that is new for me is concentrating on becoming a better, kinder person. In my Sunday school class yesterday I gave my kids a sort of assignment to do during Lent. I told them to keep a running total in their head every day of how many times they were mean to someone or did something that was not good. Then at night when they say their prayers at bedtime they could think about how many times they sinned that day and pray about it, and use it to make the next day better. It's a method a friend once suggested for me to use when I wanted to stop cursing. Making note of it would be motivation to do it less and less. I told the kids they didn't have to talk about what they did with anyone, but thinking about it makes it less justifiable or forgettable. I hope it helps them, even if they don't do it everyday. I certainly don't expect that they will do it every day. They probably don't even need to do it everyday, they're such good kids.

I pray that this Lent I can do more to better myself and firmly plant my faith and the Church as my first priority. Everything else fall into place once I really do that. An analogy that I remember from my Christian Ed class at Antiochian Village (my favorite one because it was taught by Sarah Finley, who is a wonderful teacher) goes like this. Life is like a jar that you place everything in. You must put the big things in first, meaning God, then your family, etc. because all the little things will fall into place and everything will fit in your jar. But if you put the small things in first, you won't have room for everything else. I do think I need to take time this Lent and reorganize my "jar".

God Bless,

Bella