My Garden

Today I began planting my garden. It was tough work because I let it fall into disarray over the winter, but it was well worth the trouble. I started by going to Walmart and spending too much money on flowers and tools. Mostly flowers, though. I have such a weakness for buying too many. I love getting many different kinds and having a colorful, eclectic garden. Then I started into the muck and dead leaves and grass. I raked some of it up, but then had to get down and dirty. Luckily I bought gloves, which are now caked in dirt. It rained, to say the least, for several hours last night, so the dirt was nice and moist. I planted about half my flowers and herbs, though, and I can't wait to plant the rest. Unfortunately it will have to wait until Monday when I can devote more time to it again. I'm anxiously waiting for it.

I have to admit that while thinking about my garden and how I need to take better care of it this year, it coincided with another thought I had a few moments ago. I had been reading my cousin's blog post about Lent, which is coming quicker than I'd like. Talking about my garden has me thinking of how my soul is like a garden. I've planted the seeds of my faith, but that it not enough. It must be watered, weeded, pruned, and nurtured in order to survive and grow. Lately, like my garden, I have let my soul become dishevelled. I have not stopped believing, but let myself fall into a spiritual slump. I haven't been motivated to keep up with my prayers or be involved any more than just showing up on Sunday morning at 10:00am. I haven't been taking care of my soul.

I've been dreading the start of Lent because I dislike fasting so much. I don't like going out to eat and trying to find something fasting appropriate, or going to a friend's house and feeling awkward because I'm fasting, or going to the store and buying yet another bag of salad, or having pasta and tomato sauce three times a week. Most of all I hate walking past the milk and not buying any because that is my favorite drink. Probably my favorite out of anything I eat or drink. There is nothing quite as satisfying as a cold glass of milk, and I hate feeling guilty when I give in during Lent and pour myself a glass of milk. It's not the same. It tastes like failure and guilt. Just like everything I eat during a fast that I shouldn't tastes bad and makes me feel even worse. However, I know I need a good wake up call this year. Nothing gets me out of a spiritual slump quite like fasting and reminding myself every time I eat something that I'm preparing for the Resurrection.

I dislike fasting like I dislike clearing away the muck from my garden. Even my neighbor shouted towards me when he saw me working that he hates that part of it. "Me too!" was all I shouted back. After I said it, I realized I didn't hate it so much. Yes it was gross and dirty and tedious, but when I finally was able to begin planting the flowers, it was all very much worth it. Lent is difficult and tedious, but I don't actually hate it. Of course it's not fun and I dislike it while it's going on, but the result is beyond worth the struggle. Preparing myself for that wonderful Liturgy of Pascha when we sing "Christ is Risen!" and literally feast together all day is worth the 40+ days of working, fasting, and praying (and failing) because it gives the feast more meaning. It makes Pascha my favorite day of the year. Without Lent, without all the hard work, it would be no more than just another day.

I have hope this year that while tending to my garden, and trying to be better at that, I can remind myself to tend to my soul and continue to grow, along with my flowers, in the hope that I can properly prepare myself for the Resurrection.

God Bless,

Bella